Holding is Enough
by Snowfilly
Summary: Time and life moves on, and some things never change. Mickey takes his children to visit Jack, and talk about the boundaries of family.


Disclaimer – All recognisable characters here are the property of Thames TV and I am making no profit from their use.

 _This is dedicated to Tim. He was the first person who told me I could write. I loved him as though he was my own Dad and I miss him beyond words._

'If you two don't hurry up, then I'll leave you both behind.'

'Aww, Daddy, you won't, will you?' Kayleigh called down. He could hear her clattering about in her room. 'Cos you said Lisa could show Jack her new school uniform today, you promised.'

'Yeah, I know. But Jack's doing dinner for 12 and we'll be late if you don't hurry up. Is your sister up there?'

'She's in the kitchen. Looking for shoes.'

'Why would – Never mind.'

The kitchen was going to be a no go zone in that case. Grinning, Mickey slung the mounds of stuff that seemed to be necessary for any journey involving two small children into the car and waited. Least it was easier than lugging baby stuff around; he'd taken to leaving spare sets of most things at Jack's for a while.

Only twenty minutes late, he managed to herd them into their car seats, wait out the inevitable argument about music – Mummy's driving, Mummy gets to pick, which was starting to lead to suggestions that he drove instead – and they were on their way. Funny. When he'd had the time and freedom to do this every day, he hadn't, and now, with the kids, when it was more akin to a military exercise or small scale invasion, he made sure they did it every week.

Jack made the return journey nearly as often, especially on days when he knew Mickey was off and the kids were at school. Things were most like the old times, then.

'Um? Sorry, Rene. I was miles away.'

'I know. I asked you how you can zone out over the noise those two are making in the background. And I think I'll take them out for a walk after dinner, calm Lisa down.'

'I'm not scared, Mum.'

That strung a bit; he'd heard her declaring the other day that she was too grown up for Mummy and Daddy now she was going to proper school, but it had been said in exactly the same tone of voice that he used to lie to Jack.

'Oooh, Mum, can we go to the park, please?' Lisa piped up.

'Don't see why not,' and Mickey grinned across at his wife, knowing what she was offering.

Jack lived on the outskirts of Sun Hill now. He'd been retired for three years and the move hadn't been easy for either of them, but they'd worked it out in the end and this was the way most of their Sundays were spent.

'Right, Kayleigh, don't run out into the road once we stop. And make sure you take your bag in with you.'

'Da-ad!'

He couldn't help smiling as he lifted Lisa out of her carseat and herded them across the road. They both knew the way, and there was always something in Jack's eyes when they arrived as a group – a look of approval or pride when he saw Mickey with the kids

He was at the door now, a heavy set, nearly bald man in jeans and a blue t-shirt, kneeling down so the kids could swarm over him.

They run the last few steps as they always did, exchanging vital news that Jack already knew in high pitched voices. Lisa's 'guess what, I'm going to big school tomorrow,' predominated, and then Jack was ushering them in. A quick kiss for Rene, and by the time Mickey got close to his friend, the kids had already found their normal spot in the front room.

'You ok, Jack?'

'Course. You?'

They didn't touch very much now; their friendship perhaps wasn't as close as it had been, but sometimes, especially when he watched Jack and the kids together, it made his heart ache for how much he wanted the steadiness of Jack's arms around his shoulders. That had always felt like armour against all the evils of the world.

'Lisa tomorrow...I'm feeling old, I think.'

'If you're old, what does that make me?'

Jack reached over and touched his shoulder; an anchoring gesture that made everything alright again.

The first half hour was a blur. The kids swarmed over Jack; Lisa dived into the spare room and changed into her school uniform with only a little bit of help, and Kayleigh wanted to help in the kitchen and show Jack something she'd been cooking at Brownies that week and...

'Can you finish seeing to dinner, Mickey?' Jack's Yorkshire accent was starting to fade now, he noticed, finally being worn away by the decades of living in London. 'These two want to play cards for a bit.'

'Watch out for Kayleigh, she cheats. ' He got to his feet.

'Dad, you were the one who taught me the rules, remember? How's it cheating if I'm doing what you told me to?'

'Don't worry. Your Dad's cheated on everything for all the time I've known him.'

As he started putting the pie in, he heard Kayleigh saying 'how long have you known Dad?'

Ah, there was the vinegar as well. He clattered it down with more force than needed, almost unsure whether he wanted to hear the answer.

'Oh, years and years. He used to work for me. He's my best...Lisa, hang on a minute, you've got two aces there, love.'

He started getting the plates out, finding the cutlery. It felt like home here, as much as their place did. Lisa was sitting on Jack's lap, no doubt looking at his cards as well, and Kayleigh was thinking about something, chewing on the ends of her blonde hair. Sometimes, it took his breath away that someone who looked so much like him could be so beautiful. Rene, taking advantage of her day off, was curled up on the sofa with her Kindle.

 _Family. My family. And Jack, in the heart of it._

'Aren't you done in there yet?'

'Almost, guv.' The name still slipped out on occasion, even now, but the ex-DCI always seemed to know when it was a mistake and when it was teasing and respond appropriately.

Peace for a while as they ate, and then reining Kayleigh's description of school meals in as soon as the word 'beetle' was used to describe the biscuits, and noticing something he'd never allowed himself to notice before: both kids were quite capable of mimicking Jack's accent when they spoke to him. Only it wasn't mimicking really, more a natural thing they'd picked up, and why not, because they probably spent more time with him than anyone other than their parents.

'Right, are you two done? Good. Shall we go down the park while it's still nice out?'

Another whirlwind of people and clothes for a few minutes, and he was able to follow Jack back into the front room and collapse onto the sofa next to the older man. A drift of toys, school uniforms and pens littered the floor.

He half thought about tidying it, but he was too full. 'You'd think they'd moved in, wouldn't you?'

A grin from Jack, taking years off his face. 'You know I wouldn't mind if they did. They're good kids.'

'You weren't the one who had to go buy new gear for Kay the other day cos she left her gym kit somewhere and realised she'd lost it on the performance night. And this morning, Lisa, she couldn't find her shoes so I had to talk her out of wearing two odd ones. Kid's a menace.'

'So were you when I met you,' and there was real affection under the sharp retort. 'Never thought when I was bawling you out that week that we'd end up here.'

He knew some of the memories Jack was thinking back over, and even now, he had to turn away from some of them. Too many, too dark...but there were others, still shining like jewels in his thoughts: laughter in the middle of cases, drinks and films in the evenings, a 1.00am phone call that started with 'Jack, I think I'm gonna be a dad,' and instead of the measured politeness he'd get from everyone else, 'that's brilliant. What do you need me to do? And we've got court in the morning. Don't be late.'

'I didn't either.'

'Good job both of us were wrong, then, wasn't it? And good job you never got that boy to name after me like you wanted. '

'I only went for it cos it's short and easy to spell. Should have seen the trouble we had with Kayleigh when she was learning to write. Figured if you could spell it, it had to be alright. And I'm sure Rene wouldn't have minded.'

'She's special, Mickey. You know, she's never said a word about how I see your two more than her parents do.'

'True.' He couldn't forget how awkward it had been with some of his other friends, trying to organise visits with the children, and how he'd lost touch with some of those he'd once regarded as close. But Jack had been there almost constantly in the first couple of months, teaching him things about being a parent that he'd never known or thought about. Rene was the oldest of three, but they'd been close in age so she hadn't had much more idea than Mickey about a lot of it.

'They like coming round here, you know...' He half turned to look at Jack, wondering if he ought to tell him. _I never really did manage to keep any secrets from you, did I?_

'What are you holding back on this time, Mick? And do you want a coffee?'

At least Jack never asked him about booze; he'd accepted it with a nod when Kayleigh was born and Mickey had said he wasn't drinking again, never suggesting that he could trust himself to drink, that one wouldn't hurt. 'Yeah. It's alright. I'll do 'em.'

'No. What are you avoiding, this time? I don't need my kitchen looking like a bombsite as well as the front room.'

He followed Jack, as he always did. 'Kayleigh had to draw a picture of her family the other day.' He paused, watching Jack work. He'd spent an evening staring at it when she'd come home, scared that his oldest child had seen something he'd never admitted to himself, scared that she'd say it to Jack one day and it would be a step too far, even for them.

'And? She's inherited your drawing skills?'

'She…' he paused. But there would be other assignments, other things the pair of them did in school or wherever, and some of those would find their way back here. And they were his daughters, both prone to saying the wrong thing at the wrong time, both…

'She put you in it as her granddad.'

Jack put the cup down, took two swift steps so they were standing face to face. 'Is that all?'

Even now, Jack was taller than him. He'd lost some muscle, but he was still burly, still strong enough that the embrace was just this side of overpowering.

'Yes.'

'She's been calling me that ever since she could talk, Mickey. Don't know how you've missed it, but…'

'You don't mind?'

His answer was a kiss, pressed against his temple; something at once unfamiliar and utterly right. 'Listen...those two kids of yours...I'd die for them, Mickey, you should know that. I already knew that. It was you that didn't. I couldn't love them more if they were my blood. Or you,' and the hug was something fierce, claiming and entirely welcoming.

'Jack...'

'Enough. Leave it. Look, are you ready for that coffee? Because if not, we can go and collect them from the park, give your Rene a break. Coming?'

Obedience to Jack came as easily, as without conscious thought, as breathing did. He'd spent so much of his life following this man; perhaps it was only fair that his kids got the chance as well.

'I'm glad they've got you, Jack.'

'I know. I was always glad to have you.'

That was enough. Things were how they'd always be between them.


End file.
